Wednesday, November 08, 2006

New Osama Message

Some Arabic news sources are reporting that a new message from Osama bin Laden has appeared on several web sites. The message appears to have originated from the Pakistani/Afghan border region. The message has just been translated. As a service to the public, the text will be reproduced here.

"In this year of Allah, I speak to The Great Satan, W of the obscene United States of America. May Allah, in all his mercy, reign ruin upon you all, in his magnificence.

Great Satan W, why did you let the events of last night come to pass? Have not your Satanic hoards perfected the great art of election rigging? Was this not how your base art gained and has held the fetid sore that is the Whitehouse? Allah may be merciful, but has no truck with, and holds the greatest of scorn towards, the breaching of trust. Did we not have an 'understanding', or as your crass business evil doers say 'a deal'?

With the decadent and debased persons now controlling you evil House and probably your blasphemous Senate, how will the glorious war be continued? On this, our interests coincide, although I hate to lie in the same bed with the son of a camel, such as yourself. I need the war to keep rallying the forces of Allah against you and your evil minions. You need the war to keep control of the sacred crude oil and to maintain the obscene profits for Bechtel, KBR and the other minions of Halliburton, not to mention your catemites in Exxon. If peace is to be upon us, we both lose, along with my glorious martyrs and your vile slaves. Where once the scion sword of Islam and the herd of crooked accountants and consultants had marched as a single adversarial army, we are now faced with calamity. This is a mighty blasphemy and an out right problem.

At first, oh Satan of W, I prayed that Allah would find you in your bed and strangle you in the night, with the cocaine residue in your nose. Now, I have come to appreciate and indeed, love the great wrongs that you visit upon my Muslim brothers and Sisters, as it makes us stronger to fight against your profound evil. With the great passing of the psychotic and corrupt knights of your Congress, like Foley of fondle and all the similar kind, all appears to be lost. I, though, had faith in both Allah and in your arrogance and stupidity. I told my yaks that the Satanic W would not fail us at this great hour of need. You would find a way. However, when I viewed the heretical al-Foxnews today, I discovered that you have permitted the pompous Rumsfeld to leave your service. Have you lost your mind? Do you know how many brave warriors have volunteered for suicide missions, soley on the basis of the chance of kicking that idiotic arse? May Allah smite you, Rumsfled, and your families for the next ten thousand generations. I too curse you, in the name of all things holy that are beyond your comprehension!

This leaves us with the vexing question of what should be done now. I could send my brave warriors again to wreck havoc in your cities, but this would do no good. Now, you can blame all such actions on the tree-hugging Democratic demons. I will pray long and hard for a method to move ahead. I trust you will do likewise, to your false prophet Jesus Christ. If we cannot find a solution to this paradox of potential peace, we may soon both be out of business.

Let me know your thoughts. I will listen to your speeches. Keep on using the 'dumb remark and mispeech code', as before. I know that you no longer wish to 'stay the course'. However, by the very light of Allah, I cannot believe that you really mean to quit, after all this time."

Well I never! ;)

The CP


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